SUPPORTING A LOVED ONE WHO HAS EXPERIENCED SEXUAL VIOLENCE: Do's and Don'ts
DO believe your loved one.
It is a common reaction to want to seek revenge; however, calm and reasoned judgments are needed. DO NOT attempt to contact the perpetrator. This may cause legal problems and increase your loved one's fears and anxiety.
DO let your loved one be in control of who knows about the assault.
DO NOT attempt to "take charge." Your loved one must regain a sense of control over her/his life and should be encouraged to make her/his own decisions.
DO communicate to your loved one that the rape or sexual assault was not her/his fault and that you do not equate the rape or sexual assault with an act of infidelity or immorality.
DO NOT accuse or judge your loved one in any way. How she/he feels needs to be your primary concern.
DO take care of yourself.
DO NOT direct your feelings of anger and frustration (common reactions) towards your loved one.
DO encourage your loved one to seek professional help.
DO NOT expect or demand immediate and open communication about what happened or how your loved one feels.
DO follow up with your loved one regularly if she/he is considering suicide. Ask others for help and advice (counselor, resident advisor, professors, etc.)
Conversations
Be patient and approachable.
Be sensitive to their feelings.
Show unconditional acceptance.
It will be important to discuss the impact of the assault on your relationship.
Do not force them to discuss their feelings until they are ready.
